It starts with a phone call. Or maybe a quiet moment at a family gathering. Your wife glances at you across the room, nods toward her dad sitting a little too still on the couch. Or maybe it's your own dad, the guy who once worked 12-hour days and fixed the lawnmower with a butter knife and a prayer, now struggling with stairs or forgetting what day it is.
And you say the words you never thought you’d say:
“Why don’t you move in with us, Dad?”
It’s the right thing to do. It’s the family thing to do.
But here’s the thing most people don’t talk about — moving an elderly father or father-in-law into your home isn’t just about making space in the guest room or figuring out Medicare. It’s about making space in your life… and maybe more importantly, making sure he still has space in his.
But here’s the thing most people don’t talk about — moving an elderly father or father-in-law into your home isn’t just about making space in the guest room or figuring out Medicare. It’s about making space in your life… and maybe more importantly, making sure he still has space in his.
The Need to Be Needed
Guys don’t just retire from work. Too often, they retire from feeling useful.
And here’s a truth that doesn’t change with age: a man needs a mission.
Whether he was a mechanic, a teacher, a cop, or a small business guy who never took a sick day — your dad (or father-in-law) spent his whole life being useful. Being needed. He fixed things. Paid bills. Taught kids how to throw a ball or balance a checkbook. He was the guy people called when stuff broke — and now, in this next season of life, he needs to know he’s not just "extra baggage."
So when he moves in with you, don’t just give him a place to sleep.
Give him a job. A role. A mission.
Making Space for Purpose
Here are a few things we’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) about helping Dad feel like he's still Dad:
- Ask for advice.
Even if you already know how to fix the leaky faucet, bring him in. “Dad, what do you think? Should I use plumber’s tape or a new washer?”
He lights up. He feels like himself again. - Give him a daily “thing.”
It could be feeding the dog, checking the mailbox, watering the plants, or keeping track of trash day. Something small, but his. And thank him for it — often - Make him part of your kids’ world.
Your kids can learn patience and respect from Grandpa — and Grandpa gets to feel like a mentor again. Ask him to tell a story at dinner, or teach the grandkids how to whittle, or tell the one about the raccoon in the attic. (Even if you’ve heard it 50 times.) - Let him help YOU.
This one’s big. If he sees you struggling with something — work stress, house stuff, a broken mower — and you let him help, it’s gold. Even if the help is just listening. Men bond through doing, but they connect through being needed.
Remember: You’re Not “Doing Him a Favor”
You’re honoring him.
You’re giving your kids a front-row seat to what real family looks like: multi-generational, messy, loving, sometimes loud… but full of grace.
Yes, there will be days when he forgets what you just said. Or plays the TV too loud. Or insists he doesn’t need help with the ladder (even though he absolutely does). Be patient. He was, with you. Now it’s your turn.
And in those quiet moments, when he’s sitting in the backyard watching the kids chase fireflies… or helping your son understand how to swing a hammer… you’ll realize this isn’t just about giving him a soft place to land.
It’s about letting him still fly a little.
Because every man, no matter his age, needs a reason to get up in the morning.
So let’s make sure our fathers — and fathers-in-law — don’t just feel loved…Make sure they feel needed.